Xavierism

National Day of Prayer

I am proud to be a Catholic.

There goes 1655!

Hollywood Half Marathon / April 7th, 2012

Truly felt blessed sharing Orthodox Good Friday during The Procession with The Epitaphios at Holy Trinity Greek Orthodox Church. After Mass, I attended Happy Hour with a few friends and enjoyed great conversations. I left such great company early because I had to return home and do a bit of house cleaning. I'm the Hazel of this house!

I haven't ran all that much this week. My legs have slowly come around and seem to be ready for tomorrow's Sabino Canyon Sunset Run. This was a rough run for me last year. My goal is to have fun and cross the finish line with a better time.

House and bird cages are clean. Tortilla Soup is ready to be placed into containers and stored in the freezer. I am ready to celebrate Orthodox Easter.

*****CHEERS!*****

A Collection of Thoughts

***Random Play

*Idina Menzel: I Stand

*Jamie Drake: When I Was Yours

*Jonny Diaz: More Beautiful You

*Tara MacLean: Passenger

*Lamb: Between Darkness & Wonder

*Amanda Marshall: Tuesday's Child

We're already into April of 2012. When I was in my 20's and enjoying Life's thrills and surprises, I never once thought about how Life would be while in my 40's. Now I find myself asking God to slow down the Wheel of Time. Older I get the more I realize how valuable moments really are & embrace the joy for each breath that I'm allowed and given.

This coming Saturday, I will be running the Hollywood Half Marathon. This will be my 5th Half Marathon this year and 11th overall since I took up running last year. I look forward to running through the streets of Hollywood.

I took up running again for the sole purpose of losing weight. So many times I've lost weight over and over again through proper nutrition and running...only to stop completely and continue the Yo Yo Dieting Syndrome. This time I have stuck to the program and can finally state that this has become a lifestyle. I've worked so hard to turn back. I've ran so many miles only to gain all the weight back and lose self confidence. I have a great support group of friends and fellow runners. Mornings when I don't want to run, I remind myself how lonely I felt when I was overweight. The weight gain always affects my social life. I feel heavy and overweight, I avoid social outings with friends. I'm blessed and thankful that I haven't felt this way in over two years.

One of the joys of running, in my opinion, is facing your demons through self meditation and therapy during runs. It's just me and the open road. Music is usually playing very low but when the voices in my head start to overwhelm my thoughts, I have no choice but to deal with situations head on. I find that I'm not as stressed as before. There's nothing like running or playing tennis and working up a good sweat.

I'm not a great runner so I can't give tips on running but I feel I am qualified to share the simple joys of running. I will never win a race. I will never be at the top of my age division. I will however be listed as someone that completed a race. I will take joy that the weight continues to stay off. At 47, I'm more determined to take care of this body than ever before.

I so wanted to run this morning but decided to lay off and save the fresh legs for Saturday's race. I want to run a good race. I know I have it in me.

Holy week is always so special. Easter brings back so many wonderful memories from my childhood. I can remember the beautiful Easter baskets filled with chocolate goodies that would be waiting for us after Sunday Mass. I will have a few chocolates on Easter as a reward.

The older I get the more I relish in the simple joys of Life. Countless Blessings are all around me.

Current Music: Jamie Drake's Beautiful

Current Mood: Thankfully thankful for This Very Moment!

Proud to be Latino

***Random Play
*Celia Chavez: Sailor's Daughter
*Laura Marie: Drawn
*Salvador: Aware
*Nichole Nordeman: Woven & Spun
*Diana Winter: Escapizm
*Paolo Nutini: Sunny Side Up

Like so many other Hispanics, I was glued to the television so I could watch CNN's Soledad O'brien's Latino in America. I was watching this show along with many of my Latino Brothers and Sisters. Thanks to the social network power of Twitter, we were able to share in real time. Actually, most shared their thoughts while I sat back and watched the show.

From what I gathered so many Hispanics felt that their similar Life history wasn't revealed within any of the stories shared. While I did agree with this take, I also felt that the show didn't take me on a journey of any sorts. Yes, it shared life stories about those that struggled to find a place within our American society but I wanted to feel the human interest element about every day Hispanics coping with every day life. 

I was expecting to watch a story about a single young Latina woman raising her children on her own and working a full time job. To share her powerful story...an every day struggle that women of all colours can relate and understand. I know so many of these Hispanic women. These woman can't even enjoy a time out because she has to deal with Life in the moment. Stories about Mothers that thank God that their teenage sons return home at the end of the day for fear of gangs and it's 'dark alley'. This was far from what I expected. It seems as though I had a whole show playing in my head and it was nothing like the segment I watched on CNN.

I know numerous Hispanic people that could be considered mentors for our young youth. Many that would inspire those of all ages. I wanted to watch stories that would have me cheering for my brothers and sisters as I would a football game. I wanted to be proud of our those that were part of Soledad's story. Instead, I was left feeling as though I watched a bad movie and kept asking myself, "Was that it?"

I was blessed to be born into an amazing family. I grew up to believe that Education was the key. What I learned early on was that Education also came in the form of every day Life's experiences. Since I was a young child, I knew I was gay. I didn't know the 'what' or 'why' details but I knew I was different from most of the boys. I can remember being ridiculed for 'being different'. I now know that these feelings caused me to be an emotional eater and the main reason for being overweight during those years. I was up to 250 when graduated high school. I am so thankful for my Catholic faith. Yes, I am very thankful that my Buelita raised me to believe in Angels and Saints. Because of her, I believe my Faith in God, helped me through so many dark moments.

After battles with Cancer, I believe that I am here for a reason. I'm here to share, inspire, and be inspired. Latinos, like every colour and nationality, we want to be respected. We are more than just a maid, gardener, or gang member on a TV show. Maybe I do have more stories to share...

Final thought? I want thank those Latinos that have inspired me throughout my Life. I want to thank those Latinos/Latinas of today that inspire me to be a better person tomorrow. I'm proud to be surrounded by so many Brothers and Sisters that are doing just that. I'm one of 51 million Latinos in American. I'm proud to be Latino.

    Current Music: Laura Marie's In Code

Current Mood: Proud

Short & Simple

Yesterday started out a bit rough. We found out that our pool pump wasn't working correctly. Turns out there was a crack in a major part and needed replacement. Why must it break down during a hot summer day?

Yesterday afternoon, a spiritual adviser from a hospice group called and asked if I was free to spend time with a new patient. Turns out that a new volunteer had a change of heart and decided that this type of volunteer work wasn't for her.  So the adviser gave me the details about this patient and I agreed to spend time with patient later this week. He specifically asked that I met with this patient yesterday afternoon. I mentioned that it simply wasn't the best of days but again asked if I could make the time to meet patient hours later.

This Hospice patient is 32 years young. Parents are still in shock that their only child will no longer be part of their world soon. On the way to patient's house, I was thinking about little things in Life and the anger I had for things that really didn't play a huge part in my life. Once I arrived at the patient's house, the Spiritual adviser greeted me at the front door. The parents were in the Living room. I introduced myself and the Mother hugged me and said through tears, "My Baby is dying." I tried to comfort her but I know all too well there is no way to comfort a grieving parent.

Initially, I wanted to spend an hour with this patient. We ended up sharing a few hours together. Patient would talk. I listened. We cried. We laughed. As a Cancer survivor, I know that that could have easily been me or a loved one. One just never knows.

I woke up yesterday frustrated at Life. Tonight I count my blessings and I pray to God that I wake up later this morning to give thanks again for a beautiful day.

Life. It's precious. Cherish This Moment.

El Dia de la Virgen de Guadalupe

La Virgen De Guadalupe has always been with me. Her Love and Strength have guided me during many of my darkest moments. I'm blessed to have God, Angels, Patron Saints, and La Virgen de Guadalupe close to my heart.

Current Music: Las Mañanitas playing in my head
Current Mood: Blessed, Thankful, and Loved

Can You Hear The Wind Chimes?

***Random Play
*Laura Marie: Drawn
*Dave Yaden: Bear Me Up
*Diana Winter: Escapizm
*Tony Lucca: Come Around Again
*Sandi Thom: Smile...It Confuses People
*Keaton Simons: Can You Hear Me?

I love waking up to the sound of Wind Chimes. I've been having problems sleeping as of lately because of bad allergies. I'm a light head when it comes to drugs. I can take drugs before bed time but then I'll be walking around the day after like someone in need of anti depressants.

So many wonderful singers/songwriters, musicians, and bands heading to Phoenix this fall. I'm thrilled that I'll be working with such talented individuals.

Last Friday, I was thrilled to be present at The Paisley Violin to see & hear Curtis Peoples, Tony Lucca, Keaton Simons, and local fave Shane Hunt perform an all acoustic show. I was bummed because members of Phoenix Friday Nights met up earlier that evening at The Paisley. I was there but I was working on details for an upcoming show. I look forward to the next gathering. Thanks to Twitter, I've found amazing bloggers. I wish I could write the way they do...but I'm happy with my little space. I'm actually working on a new layout. It's looking SWEET!

KaiserCartel will be performing an intimate gig at The Paisley Violin on Oct. 2nd @ 8pm. Special guests include local performers Shane Hunt & Sydney Sprague. This will be another great gig. If you're a Phoenix local, please check out this duo. If you like they're music, let me know...I'd love to meet you at their gig.

It's almost months shy of my Father's death. I can't believe he's gone. I have a personal journal that I write in each day. I can't help but read entries from last year. It's like I can recall the emotions and the moments as I read word for word. I know it's all for the best but I can't help but feel the pain. I'm thankful that I cling to my faith and religion.

A new day. Allergies or no allergies...I'm gonna make the most of it. I gotta head to the gym. I plan to give my fat nalgas a great workout!

One more thing: Live Journal folks, what's with all the meme's? A bunch of sheep! 

*****CHEERS!*****

Current Music: Tony Lucca's Time and Time Again
Current Mood: Calm & Blessed

My Faith

My Buelita's quote. Design by Vix.

***Random Play
*Melissa Polinar: Sound Vault Sessions EP
*Shannon Curtis: Boomerangs & Seesaws
*Guyton Maurice: 20 Questions
*Celia Chavez: Sailor's Daughter
*Laure Marie: Drawn
*Sacha Sacket: Lovers & Leaders

For the most post, my blog entries are pretty much written out within my head. If I were to write my blog as often as I should, I'd say I have the next seven or eight posts written. It's always simply a matter of sitting down and allowing the words to freely flow from my fingers to the keyboard. I remember writing my blog on a regular basis and feeling good about what I wrote. I felt as though my thoughts and expressions were a true representation of myself. Now that I haven't been writing as much, I feel as though I haven't been true to myself. Writing is cathartic. I may not be the best of writers but I write what I feel and share with friends.

It's been over 4 months since my Father passed away. Over the last few days, I've been reliving his last days over and over. I always believed that I'd have my Father for years and years. We were close. We shared. We were best friends. I feel the absence yet I feel his love and strength in my soul. I had a dream about him last night. It was short and sweet. In the dream, he asked that I not worry about him. He was okay...and most of all pain free. The dream ended after he said that he would continue to be there for me. I woke up feeling as though my prayers had been answered.

St. Therese of Lisieux, St. Joan of Arc, St. Peregrine Laziosi, St. Ambrose of Milan, St. Scholastica and my angels are a constant source of love and understanding. While attending Mass, I gave thanks to each of them for being with me for as long as I can remember. The earliest recollection of sharing a conversation with one of my Saints was when I was about 8 years old. I was playing in my Grandmother's back yard and I was talking to St. Joan of Arc as though she were there with me. I didn't hear her voice but I felt her spirit.

As a Cancer survivor, I have made peace with the fact that it may return...and if it does, I will fight it again just as I have twice before.  In early 1998, I was admitted to the hospital for additional tests. Doctors wanted to make shure that Cancer hadn't made it's way back. I remember telling my Mother on the phone not to worry and that a trip to Arizona would not be needed at that time. As soon as I hung up the phone, I remember crying and feeling so alone. I didn't share with friends because I was afraid to worry anyone. I remember lying awake in bed. I was the only patient in the semi private room. I remember facing towards the partian and suddenly a low light against the curtain began to illuminate. The silhouette of St.  Joan of Arc appeared for a few seconds. It was so brief but I remember it as though it went on for quite some time. After that moment, I knew that I would be okay. I felt a blanket of love around me. It was as though she lifted the fear within me. Tests results showed that other than a viral infection, I was in good health. Other than with family members and good friends, I've never written about this treasured memory. For some reason, I felt compelled to share.

Faith. I remember that moment taught to surrender my fears to a greater source, God. No matter how down I am or how defeated I feel, I never allow my Faith to be taken from me. I simply ask my Saints and Angels to give me the strength to place my Faith on autopilot. Faith feeds me Hope. Hope gives me the drive and free will to write a happy ending  to a troubling situation or moment.

It's sad to see so many people lack Faith. If you know of someone in need of Faith or Hope, give them the time of day. You could be that person's guardian angel. I do believe in small miracles. They happen each day...we are simply caught up in the struggles of every day living that we forget about the little things. Faith, Hope, & Empathy keep me ground.

After watching the Compassion Forum on CNN, I felt that both Clinton and Oprahama sounded like politicians. Of course, they are on the election trail so neither can offend. I can so there goes. I try not to ask God during the tough moments why I'm in certain situations or why it is that I am there in the first place. When I have caught myself doing so, I sound so selfish...and it's far from what I want to hear from myself.

I remember Buelita would say, "God is present in the wind. You can't see him but your faith allows you to feel him." I can't picture where I'd be if Faith didn't play such a big role in my life. Since my Father passed away, my Faith has been a bigger presence in my life. Even during my down moments, I can cry and cry and know that I'll be okay.

As a Cancer survivor, I often wonder why I'm still on this earth. I don't understand why I'm still here yet others aren't able to survive and share their stories. Maybe I'm here to share my story and to continue living for all my loved ones that aren't here. Everybody has a story. I have many stories. I should go back and write about many that I've neglected to write about because I always felt they wouldn't matter to anyone other than myself. Maybe I'm supposed to write about those moments. Maybe, maybe...I don't know. I just know that I'm thankful for this moment. I'm alive to enjoy it.

Thank you St. Scholastica for the amazing words of wisdom in a recent dream. You gave me the strenght and guiadance that I needed. You answered many of my questions.

Thanks to each of you that allow me to share with you...

Current Music: Melissa Polinar's Freedom
Current Mood: Thankful & Blessed

Jimmy Carter Said it Best

Former President Jimmy Carter, a Democrat, once remarked of the fundamentalist leader (Jerry Falwell) , "In a very Christian way, as far as I'm concerned, he can go to hell!"

Yeah, he said it best.

Weekend Joy For The Soul

Ceiling Dome of The Holy Trinity Greek Orthodox Cathedral

*****Random Play
*Lara Fabian: Self Titled CD
*Morley: Days Like These
*Vienna Teng: Dreaming Through The Noise
*Telly: Free Music For Sale
*Anika Paris: On Gardener Street
*Sade: Lovers Rock

I had an affair with the joys of life this past weekend. I loved, laughed, chared a special conversation with God during Mass, enjoy great food, driving through the desert with the T-tops off, enjoyed moments at the Greek Festival, enjoyed the company of my lover, best friends, my white feathered babies, my angels, my music, movies, and shopping. I couldn't have asked for a better weekend.

The Greek Festival was a highlight of the weekend. Watching the children and teens perform traditional Greek dances is probably what I enjoy most. Okay, so I love the Greek food and desserts most of all...but the dancing and music is definitely a highlight. I did purchase a great deal on a Greek backpack. It has a musky scent that is only found on good leather.

*Yes, those Steve Madden shoes are sitting pretty in my closet. Ahhhhhhhhh...God is good to me!

*I have lost 20 pounds. Whew! I  feel the confidence.

*The TEXAS LONGHORNS are 9th in the BCS Standings. Lower than I had expected but there are many games left in the season. Anything can happen. Florida Gators lost...Sweet!

*Late Saturday evening, we saw Man of The Year . I'm not a big fan of Robin Williams but I thought he did a great job with his character. Laura Linney was outstanding in her role. This movie leaves a bitter taste about the current political games that go on in our country but adds a laughter as an awareness buffer. I highly recommend this film.

*Jill came over last night. I cooked dinner and we watched Anges Browne. Fave quote of the movie: Marion Monks says, "We're here for a good time, not a long time. And having a friend like you is as good as it gets." I love this movie. It's one of my all time fave movies.

   

It's finally cooler. It's nice to be able to place the birds outside on the back patio. I'll have to take pictures of all three while they're out there. Ella's feathers are growing almost at the speed of light. I'll have to take pictures later this evening. Early this morning while sharing a cup of coffee, I sat outside by the pool and was amazed at the beauty of life. I'm surrounded by love & joy. It's such a great feeling. Thanks for sharing.

******CHEERS!*****

CURRENT MUSIC: SADE's Flow
CURRENT MODE: Fabulously Chipper!