Xavierism

Just The Way I Like It...

***Random Play
*A Fine Frenzy: One Cell In The Sea
*Rob Thomas: Cradlesong
*Diana Winter: Escapizm
*Laura Marie: Drawn
*Erin McCarley: Love, Save The Empty
*Sheila Kirsten Hughes: Perspectives

It feels so good to be updating my blog this morning. I love Christmastime. Holidays are made for sharing cheer and moments with family and good friends. Since my Father passed away on November 28th, 2007, I have kept myself at a distance during the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays. I've always managed to be useful through various volunteer projects and food drives. This past Thanksgiving was no different. I spend hours prior to the Turkey day prepping foods. During those hours, I shared treasured conversations with God, Patron Saints, and my Guardian Angels.

I looked back at the various relationships I've had whether it be with Him, family members, good friends, acquaintances, enemies, and with myself. I am thankful for how things have played out in my life. I'm blessed to Love & be Loved.

While I was peeling potatoes, I also thought about the gloomy and dark moments of my Life. Weight has always been an issue throughout my life. If I'm feeling good about myself, I shout it to the world. It's the greatest feeling ever. I'll admit, I'm not quite there yet. I feel Hope is on my side to finally conquer and gain acceptance for my physical being. I'm working on it. Although this process is always a work in progress. I can deal with that. There was a time when I gave in to the light and allowed myself to wallow in the darkness. I would keep my distance from Life and cry myself to sleep so that I wouldn't have to feel. I remember being a college graduate and ready to conquer the world. At the time, I was at 254 pounds. I remember being excited about a certain job interview and having a complete meltdown. None of my clothes/suits fit and I cried for hours. I was too ashamed to tell anyone. I was forced to buy new clothes but it was such a miserable experience. I told myself that I would never go through that again. Well, I've repeated that about three times since then.

Right now, I feel hopeful knowing that I can get back on track and lose the weight while gearing up for a half marathon. Luckily, I'm training with a few friends so this will be fun. I love the relationship I share with myself. Can't hep others until you love yourself. I wish the current Xavierism could have kicked the early edition of Xavierism's ass when I most needed it. Oh well...it's all part of the growing process.

For the past two Christmas seasons, I didn't send out cards. I'm happy that I sent out cards to family and close friends. In past years, I would send out close to 125 cards. This year, I sent out 40. I only sent cards to those people that really matter to me. 

So on the Eve of our New York City, I'm thankful for all that's happened to me. The Good, the bad, the everything in between. It's part of my history and has shaped me to be the person that I am today. I have a Mother that means the world to me. A Sister and family that I treasure. Sad that it took Father's death to bring us closer. It happens...but I'm thankful we're making up for lost time. I am with my soul mate and Life partner, Rodan. We'll be celebrating ten years together in January. Can it really be ten years?

Life with 3 Umbrella Cockatoos always makes things interesting in our life. So my Christmas blessings are really my Life's blessings. I thank those new acquaintances and friends that have been a part of 2009. I'm looking forward to 2010!

Last thing I recall during my conversation with God on Thanksgiving Eve, I thought to myself, "Thank you, God. This is Just the Way I like it."

Current Music: Rob Thomas' Someday

Current Mood: Happy, Thankful, Blessed, Excited, & Hungry!

The Little Things in Life

Our Baby Ella...She's a True Joy!

***Listening to SomaFM's Beat Blender station.

I have so enjoyed the change of seasons. It seems like it took forever for Fall to officially arrive here in Phoenix. It felt great to finally use the duvet cover as a blanket. Woke up this morning with a chilly feeling and was happy to dig out the sweats from the storage containers in the closet. Ahhh...gotta love the surround wrap of warmth.

This week has been special to my spirit. I have lathered myself a calmness that was missing from my Life last week. Frustration set in last week when a client's database agent spilled water on my cell phone. I was listening in to calls and while I stepped away from this agent's desk, she spilled water on Blackberry. I can deal with small accidents but I can't deal with how things are handled to correct matters. The General Manager of the department basically insisted that I deal with db agent directly. First of all, this db agent was new and feared that she may lose her job. Second, things happen so I didn't think this was going to be a such a big deal. Long story short, this matter was resolved and company has now paid for a new cell phone.

So while I allowed frustration to slowly become a cloud around me much like the cartoon character, Pig-Pen, from Peanuts, I shared an evening with the Mother of a Hospice patient. This beautiful woman is about to lose her only son and child. She recently lost her husband and now she will have to prepare herself for another loss in her life. I could feel the pain of her tears as they poured down from her face. Suddenly the cell phone drama wasn't a big deal. As I listened to her, I felt a calm and loving feeling take over. I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit. Empathy took over my spirit. We spent a few hours chatting in the living room while her son slept in his room. She shared stories about his childhood and accomplishments. She turned to me for support but realized that I needed her just as much.

We get so lost in this jungle of Life. The Little Things in Life seem to be misplaced or tucked away until we're ready to open that box or when we need to escape from our hectic lives. I used to enjoy so many hobbies that I allowed Life to take me away from certain joys. I miss those little things in my life.

For two weeks, I have now worked my hardest during the days. Soon as I head home, I do all I can to complete my work and gather what I need for the following day's To Do List. As much as I love sharing things on Facebook, Twitter, and other social media sites, I felt that I needed to enjoy my private time just as much. During the evenings, I have caught up on emails, reading my favourite blogs, and writing letters. I've also let go of so many things that I will never use again. It felt great to donate all these items to Goodwill. I want to remain real to myself. I've been reading more, listening to my fave music, and working on a business plan for various projects that have been dancing in my head for quite some time. I am getting a big kick out of sorting through all my pictures. I almost burned my pics from the 80's. Those will be forever locked in the Vault of Xavierism!

I'm thankful for the wonderful friends and family members that are part of my Life. I'm thankful to have a partner that puts up with me. Bless his heart. Thank you for The Little Things in Life. They give me more reason to embrace the Big Things in my Life.

Current Music: Lamb's Softly
    Current Mood: Blessed & Happy!

Ella & Kylie Having a Snack while Watching a Judge Judy episode

Ella on 12seconds.tv

Since mid week, I've been nursing a bad cold. I've worked from home and have been determined to stay home bound till I get better. While Rodan is at work, I've enjoyed the company of Omar, Kylie, & Baby Ella. I had to share this clip.

*CHEERS*

Polka Time with Omar!

Polka Time with Omar! from Xavierism on Vimeo.

Quiet Storm

Today's Lunch: Zucchini Tart and Mango & Curry Chicken.

***Random Play
*Celia Chavez: Sailor's Daughter
*Will Young: Let It Go
*Texas: Red Book
*Jaymay: Autumn Fallin'
*Nichole Nordeman: The Best of Nichole Nordeman
*Morley: Seen

It's been a quiet day. Too quiet. I woke up and the Cockatoos have been giving us the silent treatment. They've been so good. Today's been nice. I worked from home...nice. I made Lunch and cleaned the house.

Sometimes it's about enjoying the quiet moments. I let so much go today. I just wanted to be part of this Quiet Storm.

*****CHEERS!*****

Current Music: Diana Winter's Just A Little
Current Mood: Chilled & Quiet

Jammin' with Kylie to an Adele Song

Jammin' with Kylie to an Adele Song on 12seconds.tv

Questions & Answers

Everyone needs to experience Rachelle Ferrell live.

***Random Play
*Ayo: Self titled CD, Ayo
*Danielia Cotton: Rare Child
*Sade: The Best of Sade
*Rachelle Ferrell:  Individuality (Can I Be Me?)
*Anita Baker: My Everything
*Taylor Dayne: Naked Without You

I have promised myself to blog more often. How many times have I written about doing that here in my blog? There was a time when I used to love updating at least three to four times a week. This was back during my Live Journal days. Since then, I haven't really blogged as much and it's a shame. I'm not the greatest of writers but I enjoyed sharing my thoughts and opinions on life, love, God, spirituality, faith, and music.

I thought I'd answer a few questions that I've received via email. I know that friends from LJ have heard this over and over but for those of you that have been reading my journal since I begain this site, there are things you probably don't know...so here goes?

*What's Random Play all about? I have a 6 CD/DVD player connected to my sound system. Depending on my mood, I usually have music playing while I'm here at home. Friends that come over will usually be welcomed with the music playing in the background.

*You never write about the Cancer anymore. Why is that? Yes, I am a Cancer survivor. I had to deal with Cancer of the Esophagus. Twice I had I battle this demon. I praise God, angels and Patron Saints for helping me get through the most difficult moments of my life. I wrote about the intimate details during that time but once I changed my blog over, I basically continued on and really never wrote about it here on this site. I was on LJ for about 5 years. During that time, I felt so good to write about those times. It helped me to get though rough days. I remember scrapping the bottom of the barrell and having heart to heart conversations with Death. The lesson I can give to anyone after dealing with Cancer is this: If Cancer doesn't kill you, then you're strong enough to conquer anything else that comes your way. Life is the most precious gift. I survived for a reason...and nothing is going to take me down.

*Do you miss your A&R days? Yes! I do. Those were some of the best years of my life. Cancer affected my career at that point. After I was in remission, I was made the assistant to my former assistant and my pride wouldn't allow me to return to that job. I dealt through depression for about 6 months. I was in a pity party mess. I hope to never feel the self centered selfish emotions again. I had to dig deep and allow my Faith to pick me up. Once I found the love for Life again, I realized that I had to embrace Change for the next chapter of my life.

*Why Birds? I love birds! As a child, we always had birds in the house. As a grown up, I love the feel of birds in my arms. For the most part, Umbrella cockatoos are very childlike. They demand a great deal of attention. Omar needs attention from Rodan. Kylie only allows me to love her. I'm her only source of Love. Ella, the Baby of the bunch, is a free lovin' bird. She doesn't care to be touched and pampered like the other two. She prefers to sit on one's shoulder or sit on the small perch close to us. I'll have to post a few videos of my babies. I have included my girls in a few of my 12Seconds.tv clips. I'd love to include Omar but he rather bite me. He's bitten many of my fingers, nails, and my right ear lobe. No Thank you. I'll keep my distance from that one. He worships Rodan. Rodan can do no wrong...so I won't interfere.

*What's with the Music Promotions? Simple. I began to help independent singer/songwriters and bands because I believed in their talents. Little by little, I began working with incredible local and nationwide acts. Now I help book and promote various musicians...and I love that I am able to contribute and grow with so many that I now call friends. It's always amazing to work with musicians early on and watch their careers grow. I'm blessed to work with such great talent. Oh...I do have a few gigs to promote this week. Hope to see you at one or more gigs!

I could go on and on but I wanted to share with you a few simple joys of mine. I look forward to Mass this afternoon. I have many thank you to give to God and angels. I also want to ask the heavens to watch over the Israeli troops as they enter the Gaza strip. Sad that so many innocent people are in the way. May the Terrorists be defeated so that Peace can be regained.

Time for my second cup of coffee. Wishin' each of you a beautiful Sunday!

*****Cheers!*****

Current Music: Rachelle Ferrell's I Can Explain
Current Mood: Calm & Contemplative

A Quiet Moment with Kylie

A Quiet Moment with Kylie on 12seconds.tv

12Seconds.tv

A Moment with Kylie on 12seconds.tv

I have had a blank account on 12Seconds.tv for quite some time. I didn't use it until Michael mentioned that he was "following" the account and looked forward to my first clip. So, I decided to make my first clip before bedtime last night. Here is 12 Seconds worth of Xavier and Kylie. It was fun making this clip. I look forward to updating and sharing. If you happen to have an account on 12Seconds.tv, please add me and I'll do the same.

Hope each of you is enjoying Monday!

*****CHEERS!*****

Current Music: Ayo's Down On My Knees
Current Mood: Calm & Content

Monday, Monday

 

A Moment with Kylie and Ella.

***Random Play
*Nichole Nordeman: Recollection: The Best of Nichole Nordeman
*Dave Yadin: Bear Me Up
*Danielia Cotton: Rare Child
*Natalie Imbruglia: Counting Down The Days
*Corrinne May: Beautiful Seed
*Tracey Thorn: Out Of The Woods

It's early Monday morning. I've been up for a few hours. I love the sounds of the city during the wee hours of morning. Outside birds are now singing. Our birds are still asleep. Ella did squeak out a "blah" while I was in the kitchen making coffee.

After Father passed away last year, I didn't really have a chance to grieve due to my work. Things didn't really slow down till March. By then, I didn't have to "look" the PR part. I gained quite a few pounds and allowed myself to misery away. Of course, that didn't work. I'm back on the wagon and doing everything right. Part of the reason that I'm finally doing everything I can to look my best is simple...Mother is planning a visit. I've got to look my best.

When Grandma died in '06, it was such a let down to see the whole family and I was bloated like a fat whale. I felt miserable inside and out. I know that I was there for Grandma but it still hurt when family members made fun of my weight gain. Because of that experience, I set out to lose weight and really focus on better health and nutrition. Last year, I felt great. I haven't felt that great physically since then...but I am doing my best to change that. I want to feel and look great. It's so frustrating knowing that I allowed myself to gain a bit of weight. Most of the suits and slacks that I bought last year don't "fit". I want to lose the weight and "fit" into those clothes again. That's my goal. I am thankful for friends that tell me the truth when I ask for it.Okay, I wasn't even planning to write about the weight issue but there it is. 

Since Mother is planning a trip, I began the massive house clean up. Mother is a clean freak. I know that regardless of how much I clean, it will never be up to her standards. Anyway, while cleaning my room, I finally went through the drawer that included many of my Father's belongs. I often would open the drawer and lock it within minutes. This time, I spent time going through those things. My Father used to enjoy folding dollar bills into tiny squares and triangles. As long as I could remember, I never saw him fold a single dollar bill. I never knew this about my Father till after he died. For some reason, the fact that I never knew brought on a huge tear storm. As close as we were, I was angry that I didn't know that. Silly, I know...but all that matters is that I finally cried the cry that was locked within myself.

While at Mass, I had a Conversation with God. I thanked him for allowing me to have a wonderful Father in my life. The blessed memories and tiny folded dollar bills make me  spiritually rich. 

A new day. I feel the blessings of this new day.

*****CHEERS!*****

Current Music: Danielia Cotton's Running
Current Mood: Thankful