***Random Play
*A Fine Frenzy: One Cell In The Sea
*Rob Thomas: Cradlesong
*Diana Winter: Escapizm
*Laura Marie: Drawn
*Erin McCarley: Love, Save The Empty
*Sheila Kirsten Hughes: Perspectives
It feels so good to be updating my blog this morning. I love Christmastime. Holidays are made for sharing cheer and moments with family and good friends. Since my Father passed away on November 28th, 2007, I have kept myself at a distance during the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays. I've always managed to be useful through various volunteer projects and food drives. This past Thanksgiving was no different. I spend hours prior to the Turkey day prepping foods. During those hours, I shared treasured conversations with God, Patron Saints, and my Guardian Angels.
I looked back at the various relationships I've had whether it be with Him, family members, good friends, acquaintances, enemies, and with myself. I am thankful for how things have played out in my life. I'm blessed to Love & be Loved.
While I was peeling potatoes, I also thought about the gloomy and dark moments of my Life. Weight has always been an issue throughout my life. If I'm feeling good about myself, I shout it to the world. It's the greatest feeling ever. I'll admit, I'm not quite there yet. I feel Hope is on my side to finally conquer and gain acceptance for my physical being. I'm working on it. Although this process is always a work in progress. I can deal with that. There was a time when I gave in to the light and allowed myself to wallow in the darkness. I would keep my distance from Life and cry myself to sleep so that I wouldn't have to feel. I remember being a college graduate and ready to conquer the world. At the time, I was at 254 pounds. I remember being excited about a certain job interview and having a complete meltdown. None of my clothes/suits fit and I cried for hours. I was too ashamed to tell anyone. I was forced to buy new clothes but it was such a miserable experience. I told myself that I would never go through that again. Well, I've repeated that about three times since then.
Right now, I feel hopeful knowing that I can get back on track and lose the weight while gearing up for a half marathon. Luckily, I'm training with a few friends so this will be fun. I love the relationship I share with myself. Can't hep others until you love yourself. I wish the current Xavierism could have kicked the early edition of Xavierism's ass when I most needed it. Oh well...it's all part of the growing process.
For the past two Christmas seasons, I didn't send out cards. I'm happy that I sent out cards to family and close friends. In past years, I would send out close to 125 cards. This year, I sent out 40. I only sent cards to those people that really matter to me.
So on the Eve of our New York City, I'm thankful for all that's happened to me. The Good, the bad, the everything in between. It's part of my history and has shaped me to be the person that I am today. I have a Mother that means the world to me. A Sister and family that I treasure. Sad that it took Father's death to bring us closer. It happens...but I'm thankful we're making up for lost time. I am with my soul mate and Life partner, Rodan. We'll be celebrating ten years together in January. Can it really be ten years?
Life with 3 Umbrella Cockatoos always makes things interesting in our life. So my Christmas blessings are really my Life's blessings. I thank those new acquaintances and friends that have been a part of 2009. I'm looking forward to 2010!
Last thing I recall during my conversation with God on Thanksgiving Eve, I thought to myself, "Thank you, God. This is Just the Way I like it."
Current Music: Rob Thomas' Someday
Current Mood: Happy, Thankful, Blessed, Excited, & Hungry!
